


you're the only way to me

by apocrypha_luxe



Series: take a torch to my defences [5]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Confessions, Fluff, M/M, Soft Fic is Soft, Too much sand, neji is the king of quietly romantic gestures, shikamaru just has a lot of feelings okay, too many days apart
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-30
Updated: 2020-05-30
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:00:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,158
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24451729
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/apocrypha_luxe/pseuds/apocrypha_luxe
Summary: One month. Just a handful of weeks spent falling headlong into something that he and Neji both realised pretty damn fast was turning their world totally and utterly upside down, a complete deviation from the paths they’d both been on. The whole axis of his life had tilted, his true north shifting. It felt insane. It also felt like the sanest thing he’d ever done.
Relationships: Hyuuga Neji/Nara Shikamaru
Series: take a torch to my defences [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1663261
Comments: 15
Kudos: 68





	you're the only way to me

**Author's Note:**

> Part 5, sometimes significant moments take you by surprise, sneaking up to solidify an otherwise unremarkable afternoon into something you'll carry with you forever. 
> 
> \---
> 
> Interrupting the usual schedule of smut to deliver, well, not that. Spotify suggested Just Say Yes by Snow Patrol and then this ridiculously soft fic happened, so the title obv had to come from there. Sometimes you just gotta embrace the inspo.

Shikamaru needed a shower. Like a proper fucking hose down. Three solid days worth of sandstorm dust and sweat dried on his skin, and ugh, grit _ everywhere.  _ He loved Suna,  _ hated _ the journey. Naruto was in a similar state of revoltingness and they'd shared a brief moment of discussion over the merits of showering before reporting in but had decided against it. It had worked like a charm for getting them out of the Hokage's office pretty much as soon as they'd walked through her door, so the discomfort was worth it for a bit longer. He filled up his water flask as he made his way out of the tower, tipped it over his face while he walked along the busy street, a few heads turning in his direction when he groaned louder than he'd intended.  _ Gods,  _ a shower was going to be  _ bliss.  _

The trip had been good, sandstorms aside, even if he’d been wishing he hadn’t put his hand up for it in the first place. He’d be more pissed at past him if the mission had been anywhere other than Suna, having a few friendly faces around when he was feeling the weight of his decisions helped.  _ The guilt you’re carrying, put it down.  _ Yeah. Yeah, he was trying. Neji’s words had lodged deep, a thrumming basenote to his thoughts all week that had coaxed him to the oasis on Gaara’s rooftop almost every morning, sunrises greeted with coffee and meditative silence. It was staggering to think that he’d signed up for this mission just last month. It felt like a lifetime ago, a whole other incarnation. 

One month. Just a handful of weeks spent falling headlong into something that he and Neji both realised pretty damn fast was turning their world totally and utterly upside down, a complete deviation from the paths they’d both been on. The whole axis of his life had tilted, his true north shifting. It felt  _ insane.  _ It also felt like the sanest thing he’d ever done.

_ A whirlwind romance.  _

He laughed and was glad he'd passed onto quieter streets so that he didn't have too many witnesses to it. To the ridiculous smile he felt spreading over his face. He shook his head, the complete absurdity of the whole thing sending his stomach into a giddy freefall whenever he dragged his head back down from the clouds, his rational thoughts repeatedly demanding what the catch was because all of this seemed like a fucking fairytale. These last weeks had been like nothing else he'd ever experienced, he didn't know it was possible for it to feel like this. Falling in love with someone. Head so distracted that every thought came back to Neji, every breath turning soft with the knowledge that Neji seemed to be as deep in this as he was. Heart constantly too big for his chest and face hurting from smiling too much. Long, perfect hours of conversation, comfort that he never thought he’d really find in another person, watching the sunrise paint porcelain skin golden as Neji slept peacefully in his bed. Mind-blowing sex. Like. A  _ lot _ of mind-blowing sex. The flash of heat in his gut made his fingers twitch.  _ Gods,  _ he was perpetually a heartbeat away from ruinous arousal, it was ridiculous. It was like being 16 again only with a whole vibrant brain-catalogue of actual experiences to draw on rather than just teenage imagination. He grinned and swallowed down a groan at his entire situation. He always thought the stories and poetry about loving someone with every fibre of your being were incredibly exaggerated, wishful thinking and too much creative licence. But they weren't. Didn't have to be, at least. It could be real, the warmth in his blood and the butterflies that had taken up permanent residence in his stomach would attest to it. 

He drained the last sips of water from his canteen as his thoughts wandered to the sumi-e painting he’d left tucked safe on his bedside table, Neji’s delicate brushwork speaking of a skill that would allow a career change if he ever wanted it. It was such a quiet, beautiful birthday gift, the envelope pressed into his hands the night before he left as Neji watched him with a softness in his gaze that Shikamaru was growing accustomed to greedily basking in.  _ Are you familiar with hanakotoba?  _ The language of flowers. Yes, he’d whispered yes as he’d slipped the raw cardstock from the envelope and stared at the wash of inky blooms over white parchment. Fringed orchids.  _ My thoughts will follow you into your dreams.  _ He’d gasped and kissed Neji through the breathlessness, tumbled them into bed and pressed his own wordless message into Neji’s skin. 

He paused at the gates to the Nara forest long enough to make sure the deer fence was properly secured and glanced back towards Konoha, the place that had the years of his life carved deep into its familiar streets. It had always been  _ home  _ to him, secure and reliable and comforting, but the older he got the more the ghosts crept in, the more the pavement echoed with restlessness. 

Everything was changing. 

He could feel it in the way the air moved, the shadows shifting with him as something inside him pushed against its chrysalis. His understanding of what it might mean to not have to face the world alone, his feelings about what kind of life he wanted. About what came next. He'd been adrift for so long that the thought of deliberately changing direction, of making decisions to choose his own path instead of resigning himself to accepting what was expected of him, it all felt overwhelming. But there was a thrill of excitement in there too, something electric buzzing in his core, and maybe taking this plunge with Neji had been the catalyst he needed not just to open his heart up to another person but also to a world of possible futures that had all seemed just as unlikely as falling crazy in love did not so long ago. 

He looked up at the sound of the herd moving in the forest, glimpsed Rikumaru watching him through the trees. 

'Hey buddy. Sorry, no biscuits today.'

The big stag huffed at him, reminding him of all the times he thought the deer could actually understand them when he was little. He still wasn't entirely convinced they couldn't. It was tempting to linger, but a long shower and lazy afternoon called him. He'd sent a message ahead to let Neji he'd be home this afternoon, with a bit of luck he would just show up at some point. Shikamaru missed him. Ten days,  _ gods  _ it felt like an eternity, not even a long mission by their standards but about nine days longer than he could stand being away right now. Truth be told the minute he was out the gate he was itching to turn around and drag Neji back behind the peaceful borderland of his front door. 

He'd told Naruto about them not long after they'd departed Konoha, figured his distracted state had been poorly disguised after a series of curious looks had been sent his way, though the bite marks peeking out from his collar might also have been a dead giveaway of where his head was at. He'd been expecting surprise, or maybe a thousand questions, but what he'd gotten instead was a long, quiet look and a hand squeezing his shoulder.  _ Man, that's so awesome, you guys make sense together hey.  _ That sun-bright smile had followed a moment later, and though it seemed a little forced the sudden heartfelt promise of his help to go up against the Hyūga clan was anything but. He'd always appreciated Naruto's ability to be perceptive like that when it counted, the way he'd randomly drop truth bombs without any lead up and you'd be reminded that he was much wiser than he usually let on. He'd thought that was the end of the conversation, Naruto went off on a tangent and that seemed to close the topic. It wasn't until they were on their way home, getting some rest overnight in what might have been a farming shed a decade earlier, that Naruto broke the silence and asked something that Shikamaru thought had probably been on his mind since the start of the mission. 

_ 'The Hyūga aren't gonna like it much, are they? You and Neji.'  _

Shikamaru had shrugged, trying to feign a calm that he didn't actually feel. Neji's clan were an almost insurmountable obstacle, it was gonna take a miracle to get around them.

_ 'Nah, can't imagine they're gonna be happy about it at all.' _

Naruto lay there staring into the dark, as much in the past as he was in the present. 

_ 'Are you scared of what might happen? What they might do? Of losing him?'  _

_ 'Yeah. Yeah, I am. But even though the cards are stacked against us I gotta fight, you know? Especially cause of that. He's worth it.'  _

_ 'You love him.' _

And gods, hearing it said out loud when Shikamaru hadn't even said the words yet himself had been startling. Naruto wasn't even asking, it was just a statement of fact, he'd observed enough even from their brief conversation to be one hundred percent certain of it. He was right, of course. 

_ 'You'll find a way, Shikamaru, I know you will. Fate brought you guys together for a reason, I feel it.'  _

_ 'Hey, Naruto?'  _

_ 'Hmm?' _

_ 'If you ever want to talk, about Sasuke or you know, anything...' _

The silence had stretched out between them so long he thought maybe he'd miscalculated, crossed a line. When Naruto had finally responded it had been so quiet, so filled with grief, that Shikamaru's heart had broken a little to hear it. 

_ 'Thank you, Shikamaru.' _

They'd fallen asleep not long after, the quiet settling in around them, both lost in their own heads. Too many people thought Naruto was a fool for persisting when it came to Sasuke. Shikamaru always just thought it was tragic. Too much love wrapped up in too much pain, messy and raw and complicated on both sides, from what he could gather. For all Naruto's brash confidence, Shikamaru knew that underneath it he nursed wounds that were each still as open as they were on the days they'd been created. You had to be tough, had to be a fighter, surviving while you carried around your shredded heart in your hands like that. Shikamaru had respected his dedication even if he hadn't really understood it. He thought maybe he was getting it now though. The kind of love that made you feel like this, ten foot tall and kunai-proof, it didn't back down from a battle, odds be damned. He'd fight to protect Neji from whatever came at him bent on destruction. It wasn't much of a stretch to imagine going up against Neji himself if it meant keeping him safe. He got why Naruto wouldn't -  _ couldn't  _ \- give up. 

He wondered if Naruto had ever told Sasuke. Like really told him, plain and simple, no room for misunderstanding. I love you. He wondered if Sasuke had ever said it back. 

He hoped so. 

And of course actions meant so much more than three little words, you could do a thousand things to prove the conviction of your heart, and you  _ had to,  _ you needed to  _ show it, _ but the words still mattered. Left no room for doubt. And maybe with the lives they lived banishing doubt was more important than anything else. Sometimes you didn't get second chances to let people know exactly what they meant to you.

The forest started to open up as he approached his cabin and he swung his pack down onto one shoulder and started digging for his house keys. One day he'd replace the old key locks with chakra locks. He grasped the worn key between his fingers and pulled it from the bottom of his bag, metal as aged as the house itself, passed between the Nara as time and needs required. He smoothed his thumb over the cool metal, warmed it in his fingers, a talisman of the life he'd been creating for himself, of his sanctuary. One day he'd trade the key in. Maybe not just yet though. 

His attention snapped to as he left the treeline and realised he wasn't alone, glancing up to see the sliding doors of his living room wide open onto the veranda. The smile that split his face was instant. 

_ Neji.  _

He readjusted his bag over his shoulder as Neji walked out the kitchen door and onto the veranda, pausing by the rail with a steaming mug as Shikamaru took the stairs in a rush.

'Welcome home.' 

He tossed his pack down and slowed his approach as Neji placed the mug on the deck, closed the distance in a couple of strides when Neji held out a hand toward him, heart racing as Neji's mouth curved so softly at the edges. 

'I warn you, I'm about ninety percent sand right now.'

Neji hummed and grabbed fistfuls of his vest, dragged him close and kissed him deep. Shikamaru buried his hands in his hair, cupped his neck, kissed him back until he felt dizzy. He'd needed this. Neji's arms around him and lips on his, heart pounding in his chest, the whole damn world lighting up around him.

'I love you.'

It took a heartbeat for him to realise that  _ yeah, okay, _ he'd said that out loud, another to meet Neji's gaze which had turned very soft and still. He'd wanted to say it,  _ needed _ to, had pulled himself up short so many times and was pretty sure Neji had been doing the same, but he hadn't quite been prepared for his mouth to suddenly just bypass his brain like that. Time took on that unnatural feeling that it only did when you were waiting for your senses to notice that the earth had just crumbled out from under your feet, that you'd spoken and the other person was  _ not responding. _ It felt like it took an age, seasons changed and civilisations rose and fell around them, seconds,  _ whole damn seconds,  _ but then Neji's mouth was curving back into that gentle smile that always stole his breath, hand reaching to stroke down Shikamaru's cheek and rest along his jaw. 

'I love you too.'

He sounded winded,  _ awed. _ Shikamaru's heart stuttered, relief and joy cascading sweet through his veins like sparkling wine, the ground firm under his feet again, just like that. Three little words. And yeah, they'd said it a thousand other ways already, but this  _ mattered,  _ saying the words  _ mattered,  _ no room for doubt. He knew he was smiling like an idiot, lit up from the inside, felt his face do something awkward as he raised an eyebrow in question. 

'Too soon?' 

Neji's smile turned into a quiet laugh and he shook his head, a faint flush of heat colouring his sharp cheekbones. Shikamaru wanted to drink down that warmth, knew it was just for them, that no one else got to see either of them like this, soft and affectionate and totally stripped of armour. 

'No. Not at all.'

Neji rested their brows together and Shikamaru closed his eyes, breathed him in, held him close. A brush of lips, Neji's mouth trailing up, over his cheek. Shikamaru's ribs strained, creaked, threatened to crack with the thunderous drum of his heart and through the storm of it he could feel Neji's own wild heartbeat pressing against his chest, an echo, an answer. 

'Actually, I think it's perfect.'

Shikamaru's smile persisted even as Neji pressed a kiss to his mouth, open and light, nipped at his lip in playful annoyance as laughter bubbled free again. He felt giddy, wanted to shout it out to the world, wanted to run until the energy buzzing under his skin could be satiated. Wanted to _..._ _ ahh fuck it... _ he wrapped his arms low around Neji's waist, picked him up, spun him in a tight circle, laughed at how ridiculous he felt. Laughed as Neji draped his arms over his shoulders, chest shaking with surprised laughter of his own. Hands came up to frame his face as he slowed their rotation, lowering Neji back to his feet as their lips met, kiss full of promise and warmth and desire. Shikamaru nuzzled at Neji's cheek, dropped a kiss below his eye. 

'Do I get to keep you today? Can you stay the night?' 

Neji's hands slipped into his hair, fingers working the tie loose and sending sand sprinkling everywhere. 

'Mmm, that's the plan.'

Shikamaru groaned as Neji massaged at his scalp, dislodging more grit. 

'You need a shower.' 

He grinned as Neji's nose wrinkled, shook his head like a dog and sent sand flicking everywhere. 

'Yeah, kinda desperately. Pretty sure I brought back half of Suna this time.'

Neji hummed as he moved away to retrieve the mug he'd put down earlier, pressing it into Shikamaru's hand.  _ Coffee.  _ He almost wanted to cry. 

'There's butajiru on the stove too.' 

He mumbled a garbled string of grateful noises as he swallowed down half the mug before bending down to unzip his sandals, kicking them off with another shower of sand. He could get used to coming home to this, to something other than the cold of an empty house. He made short work of the rest of the mug, passing it back to Neji to free up his hands, thankful as always for the privacy of his home as he stripped off his tac vest and shirt, abandoning them on the veranda and sending his pants to join them a moment later. Neji was watching him with shameless appreciation, a smirk on those full lips. 

He held Neji's gaze as he sucked his bottom lip between his teeth and played up for the tease, hooked his thumbs into the waistband of his underwear and tugged downwards just a little, bared the sway and dip of sharp hipbones and a hint of dark hair. Neji hummed, that smirk still curving his beautiful mouth, beckoned Shikamaru closer with elegant fingers. 

'Sandiest striptease ever?'

Neji's free hand came up to frame his jaw, brushed loose hair behind his ear, quiet laughter warm against his lips as the distance closed and then Neji was kissing him again, sweet and soft.  _ I love you.  _ He wrapped his arms low around Neji's waist, held him close, let himself bask in the contact, his head turning those three little words over like pearls. They felt remarkable, their shape, their weight, something precious that he could tuck safely behind his ribs. Something he could keep, something  _ they  _ could keep. No room for doubt, just this sweet, golden certainty that they had irrevocably changed the direction of their lives, that they'd tangled themselves together. Three little words. They were a godsdamned  _ blessing. _

**Author's Note:**

> Cheerleader love as always to Ms T. No sex! What's going on?!
> 
> \---
> 
> Find me at littleaccomplice.tumblr.com where I’m reblogging stuff and tagging things badly. <3 is always appreciated if you enjoyed my rambling words!


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